Irish Water in Re-branding Shock!

‘Been in the pipeline for some time’

By Phil Mabucket, Water Correspondent

Irish Water: new image

As reported in today’s Sunday Independent, Irish water is planning a major re-branding exercise next year, to coincide with the retirement of Chief Executive John Tierney.

And Dog In The Street can EXCLUSIVELY reveal the new name of the troubled utility company is to be Irish Waster.

A spokesman for Irish Water confirmed the news last night in response to an inquiry from DITS.

“It’s been in the pipeline for some time,” the spokesman confirmed. “We were hoping to push the deadline further downstream, but there have been so many leaks that we’ve decided to make the announcement now before we become submerged in a flood of speculation. As the man said, ‘There is a tide in the affairs of-‘”.

Yes, but why does the company need to be re-branded? Irish Water is only three years old.

“It seems to be the current trend, so we’re going with the flow. Eircom has just re-branded, and so has Mary O’Rourke. Somebody floated the idea that we needed a new image and everybody jumped on board the ship.”

Why Irish Waster?

“We wanted something that expressed the true ethos of our company. Think of all the money we’ve flushed down the toilet in the last three years.  Remember the eighty million we pissed away on consultants alone? On top of that, we had our bonus scheme on tap before we laid a metre of pipe. And just wait till you see how much we sink into this re-branding exercise. It’ll bring tears to your eyes.”

REVEALED: Former minister in rebranding shock!!

Mary O’Rourke to rebrand as ‘mor’

‘mor’

In a move that is guaranteed to send shockwaves through Irish political circles, former Fianna Fail TD and government minister, Mary O’Rourke today announced she is to undergo rebranding.

“The Mary O’Rourke brand has too many negative connotations,” lisped the former Fianna Fail minister when she was contacted by Dog In The Street.

“I don’t want people to remember me forever as the two-faced, Fianna Fail bitch who led them up the garden path over the eircom flotation,” she explained. “The new brand will better reflect my present role, patronising the nation from my position as permanent fixture on RTE and Newstalk.”

When asked how her erstwhile party colleagues had reacted to the news, Ms. O’Rourke said the reaction had been overwhelmingly positive.

Fianna Fail

“You’d almost think they were glad to see the back of Mary O’Rourke,” the self-styled ‘mammy’ of the FF party chuckled. “As a matter of fact, I told them that a rebranding of Fianna Fail itself might not be such a bad idea at all.”

And did mor have any suggestions for a new FF brand name?

“I think just plain ‘Fail’ would fit the bill,” she declared. “After all, that’s what the party is most associated with.”