Dog In The Street EXCLUSIVE!!!
By Finbar Optic, Internet Correspondent
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg today delivered a major shock to the markets when he announced the hugely popular social media platform is to be renamed Arsebook.
“The response to our announcement of a ‘thumbs down’ feature on Facebook was so positive, it made us realise there was a pent-up demand for even more radical change,” Zuckerberg explained to journalists and investors in a hastily-convened conference call.
“We firmly believe Arsebook is the way our customers want us to go.”
When asked about the format of the new platform, Zuckerberg revealed the details.
“The most obvious change is that, in place of ‘friends’, Arsebook users will have ‘enemies’,” he explained.
“Following on from that, the ‘like’ option will be replaced with a ‘loathe’ option and ‘follow’ will be replaced by ‘stalk’. The present ‘chat’ function will become ‘troll’, while the ‘message’ function will become the ‘abuse’ function and will allow packs of users to gang up on vulnerable individuals away from prying eyes.”
Are there any brand new features for Arsebook users to look forward to?
“We’re working on a ‘revenge porn’ function,” Zuckerberg announced. “We expect it to be extremely popular.”
Will existing Facebook users automatically transfer over to Arsebook?
“They’ll be given the option,” the Face/Arsebook supremo explained. “We’ll be putting a button on the site soon. It will be labelled, ‘I’m an arsehole, count me in’.
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