‘Will cause widespread devastation if allowed to flourish’
By Steph Aurious, Medical Correspondent
What has been described as ‘one of the most vile and disgusting parasites known to man’ has been identified in the United States. And unless immediate steps are taken to control the outbreak, many lives will be put at risk.
That is the shock news that has rocked healthcare circles, not only in the US, but also worldwide.
“It’s from a family of infectious agents known as ‘Hedgefungi Greediosis’,” explained Dr. Virginia Mayo-Clinic of the North American Doctors Association (NADA) when contacted by Dog In The Street. “This particular specimen is called ‘Shkreliosis’ and it’s one of the nastiest parasites we’ve ever seen.”
Is this the first time Shkreliosis has been found in the US?
“No, it has flared up a number of times in the past, but this is the worst outbreak to date,” said Dr. Mayo-Clinic. “It’s certainly becoming more toxic as time passes. To be honest, it’s one of the most vile and disgusting parasites I’ve ever come across in my time as a health-care professional. It will cause widespread devastation if it’s allowed to flourish – not just here in the US, but all over the world.”
In what conditions does Shkreliosis thrive?
“All of these hedgefungi are driven by one thing: greed. And if you have a situation where greed is allowed to run riot, these parasitic agents will grow and multiply until they’re out of control.”
Has any effective treatment been discovered?
“Not really,” admitted Dr. Mayo-Clinic. “We’ve managed to control this latest outbreak to some extent with heavy doses of adverse publicity, but this kind of parasite is like herpes: it never really goes away. It hides away in sewers and emerges again as soon as the publicity loses its effectiveness.”
Do you see any cure for this disease down the road?
“Well, we can always hope, but the only thing that would be guaranteed to work would be spinal stiffening therapy for our political leaders.”
Any chance of this happening?
“None. There has to be a spine present for the therapy to work.”
Dog in the Street 