Dr. Sean Slurry of the Ignorant Institute wonders where it will all end
By Polly Amorous, relationships correspondent
“Where will it all end?”
That was the reaction of Dr. Sean Slurry, chairman of the Ignorant Institute, when I asked him to comment on the posters celebrating different kinds of families – including those headed by same-sex couples – that are being distributed to primary schools by the Irish National Teachers Organisation.
“This is yet another outrage being perpetrated against the people of wholly Catholic Ireland,” he declared.
“The knees are only worn out of my trousers from all the rosaries I said during the so-called ‘marriage equality’ referendum, and now this obscenity of a poster is being visited on our children. Christ, at this rate I’ll be doing laps of the beads from the moment I get up in the morning until I kneel down to say my bedtime prayers at night.”
What did he object to specifically about the ‘Different Families, Same Love’ posters?
“What do sodomites know about family and love and marriage?” Dr. Slurry demanded to know. “I’ll bet there’s not one of them has been inside a church in a month of Sundays. How can they know anything about marriage and family without taking the expert advice of a priest?”
And single-parent families?
“God bless us and save us, the number of children born out of holy wedlock these days is an absolute disgrace,” stated Dr. Slurry. “Of course, it’s not their fault they’re born illegitimate bastards – and make no mistake, God still loves them anyway. No, it’s the fault of the fornicators who conceived them because they didn’t take precautions like saying a decade of the rosary together when an occasion of sin arises. Or two decades if it’s really bad. It nearly always worked for me.”
What would Dr. Slurry regard as a proper family unit?
“God be with the time when a man was the head of his household and his word was law,” declared Dr. Slurry. “When a woman knew her place was in the home and the children knew they should be seen and not heard. And all of them loved Holy God in Heaven and obeyed the rules of the Church – if they knew what was good for them. Now that’s what I call a proper family.”
But what if a relationship breaks down? Or there is domestic abuse in the household?
“In my day, you married for life; none of this divorce business. If things went a bit sour and someone collected a few bruises or broken bones along the way, sure couldn’t they offer it up to Holy God in Heaven? These things are sent to try us, but they’re all part of God’s plan.”
Which is?
“Mysterious.”
Dog in the Street 