‘Will deploy Gilmore if fighting does not stop’
In a dramatic move aimed at bringing to an end the decades-long conflict in Columbia, the European Union has announced plans to deploy Eamon Gilmore against the various factions involved in the fighting.
“We intend to deploy Gilmore in if fighting does not cease immediately,” an EU spokesman confirmed yesterday. “These various factions have a choice to make now: it’s going to be their way or Gilmore’s way.”
Asked what effect Gilmore is likely to have upon the people of Columbia, the spokesman replied, “Gilmore operates like a neutron bomb. He causes no damage to infrastructure or property, but he devastates humans. Just ask the people of Ireland.”
In a joint statement issued last night, the Columbian Government, FARC, the ELN and various crime syndicates requested a delay in the deployment of Gilmore.
“The people of Columbia have suffered enough already,” the statement said. “We surrender. Just keep Gilmore in Europe. Better still, send him to Syria.”
Dog in the Street 